In my previous post I mentioned that I would be trying the Lillie McFerrin’s Five Sentence Fiction on a regular basis. This week’s prompt is “Scorching” with the following instructions:
What it’s all about: Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction.
Scorching
Asha-Bean crouched in the swampy dasheen patch, mesmerized by the inferno that was once her grandmother’s house.
The green heart-shaped leaves stung her flesh while the heat from frenzied flames pressed against her face, and billows of black smoke stung her nose and throat.
She wiped her sweating brow, smearing kerosene and soot across her face, confident that at least one of her grandmother’s nosy neighbors would see all these things that she had done, and call for help.
Asha-Bean told them she didn’t want to stay with grand-mother; smelly, cranky, beating first for every little thing and asking questions after grandmother, now sleeping in her plush queen sized bed, with all the fancy cushions, at the center of the blaze.
She told them she didn’t want to come.
© Debra Providence April 2, 2012
P.S. Really loving the FSF
A very strong case of ‘I told you so’ brought vividly to life with very good description. I like very much. xxx
Thank you!
A definate case of I told you so. A very vivid piece. I lived it.
Wow! I love that we don’t know which end is up until we see the kerosene and soot and then the story comes out!
Debra this is very powerful both in tone and subject. It would be wonderful to read more of this story if you ever wanted to turn it into a short story. Really well done!
Many thanks Jo-Anne and I will think about turning it into a short story.
Visual feasts in five sentences. Beautiful sensory imagery, and only with limited use of time and space.
Thank you Marlon. 🙂
Brilliantly evocative…I can feel her desperation and tension!
🙂 Thank you Lisa!